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That Tube Of Lube
In fanfic, it doesn't matter if it's House and Wilson's first time with anal sex, or one millionth time, the ever-so-convenient tube of lube that just happens to always be standing like a beacon on the bedside table gets so damn old. Especially when it's their first time, ever.
It goes a little something like this:
[House and Wilson are a tangle of limbs and tongues, naked on the bed]
House: Oh, boy, look at us getting hot and heavy.
Wilson: Oh god, yes. Rub me harder with your sexy stubble, you naughty boy.
House: [rubs his chin and cheek hard across Wilson's face, neck and chest] Considering you're still married and I've been pining over Stacy, and considering we've both never been with a guy, it's amazing how gay we are, isn't it?
Wilson: Yes, oh yes, oh god, yes. Keep stroking my cock with your long, elegant and skillful piano fingers in that splendiferous manner, please. It feels so very arousing and I am so very hard even though I am straight, yet appear to have no problems with getting it on with my best friend who happens to be a guy.
House: [strokes Wilson's cock with his long elegant piano fingers like an old pro and then suddenly gets behind Wilson and starts pushing his fingers into his anus.]
Wilson: Oh god, House, I am an anal virgin but your one, two, three fingers up my ass feels so good, even though I've always considered myself to be straight and even though none of my one, two, three wives has ever fingered my ass before in my life.
House: Like I said, it's amazing how gay we are.
Wilson: Yes, quite.
House: I must put my cock in you now. Oh, look. [withdraws fingers and points at nightstand] How about that? I've never had anal sex in my life and I not only know what I'm doing, I also have a bottle of lube waiting for me to use so I can slick my cock up and pound into you like a plumber on a bad plunger day.
Wilson: You have lube? Oh, the joy!
House: [slicking his cock up with lube] Yes, I have lube. None of that "Shit, I have no lube, what the hell can I use as a substitute? Oh, I know -- I have a bottle of Crisco cooking oil in my kitchen cupboard. That will do" or "I'm in the heat of the moment and the only thing I have right now is spit, so I shall spit on my hand all Ennis Del Mar from Brokeback Mountain style" spontaneity.
Wilson: Hmm, seems a little contrived, doesn't it? That you happen to have some lube casually standing around on your nightstand.
House: Oh, yes. But I am always prepared for anal sex, even though this is my first time, and even though I'm straight. Though, of course, I actually realise I am now gay ever since I looked deep into your cliched puppy dog eyes ten minutes ago.
Wilson: Enter me now, for I am so hot for your cock in my virgin ass.
House: [thrusts into Wilson with reckless abandon and Wilson is surprisingly in little or no discomfort at having his ass penetrated by an erect penis]
Wilson: Oh god, you are pounding against my prostate and I am now going to come. [comes]
House: [follows with "Jimmy!" tumbling from his lips like an utterance of complete adoration, and then withdraws and flops beside Wilson] Well, thank god for that convenient tube of lube, Jimmy. I'm so glad I thought ahead towards the idea of having random anal sex with my best friend, even though I am straight.
Wilson: Greg, I just realised that I am deeply in love with you and I want to have your ass-babies.
House: Oh god, yes. I love you, too, and seeing we have this convenient tube of lube, let us commence making ass-babies now, even though you and I have both come. We shall defy the male response of not being able to become erect directly following orgasm by becoming erect upon me touching your cock and you sucking my nipples, and have ten rounds of hot mansex until my seed is planted deep within the confines of your mangina.
Wilson: God, I love you, Greg.
House: [slicking cock up for round 2] I love you, too, Jimmy.
[The End]
Edit: LOL,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
livelove423 made a few icons quoting from this. xD
Edit: Haha, andcenori got in on the icon making, too:
It goes a little something like this:
TITLE: The Mysterious Tube of Lube, and How House and Wilson Came To Be Gay Even Though They Have Always Been Straight
bycryptictac
by
cryptictac[House and Wilson are a tangle of limbs and tongues, naked on the bed]
House: Oh, boy, look at us getting hot and heavy.
Wilson: Oh god, yes. Rub me harder with your sexy stubble, you naughty boy.
House: [rubs his chin and cheek hard across Wilson's face, neck and chest] Considering you're still married and I've been pining over Stacy, and considering we've both never been with a guy, it's amazing how gay we are, isn't it?
Wilson: Yes, oh yes, oh god, yes. Keep stroking my cock with your long, elegant and skillful piano fingers in that splendiferous manner, please. It feels so very arousing and I am so very hard even though I am straight, yet appear to have no problems with getting it on with my best friend who happens to be a guy.
House: [strokes Wilson's cock with his long elegant piano fingers like an old pro and then suddenly gets behind Wilson and starts pushing his fingers into his anus.]
Wilson: Oh god, House, I am an anal virgin but your one, two, three fingers up my ass feels so good, even though I've always considered myself to be straight and even though none of my one, two, three wives has ever fingered my ass before in my life.
House: Like I said, it's amazing how gay we are.
Wilson: Yes, quite.
House: I must put my cock in you now. Oh, look. [withdraws fingers and points at nightstand] How about that? I've never had anal sex in my life and I not only know what I'm doing, I also have a bottle of lube waiting for me to use so I can slick my cock up and pound into you like a plumber on a bad plunger day.
Wilson: You have lube? Oh, the joy!
House: [slicking his cock up with lube] Yes, I have lube. None of that "Shit, I have no lube, what the hell can I use as a substitute? Oh, I know -- I have a bottle of Crisco cooking oil in my kitchen cupboard. That will do" or "I'm in the heat of the moment and the only thing I have right now is spit, so I shall spit on my hand all Ennis Del Mar from Brokeback Mountain style" spontaneity.
Wilson: Hmm, seems a little contrived, doesn't it? That you happen to have some lube casually standing around on your nightstand.
House: Oh, yes. But I am always prepared for anal sex, even though this is my first time, and even though I'm straight. Though, of course, I actually realise I am now gay ever since I looked deep into your cliched puppy dog eyes ten minutes ago.
Wilson: Enter me now, for I am so hot for your cock in my virgin ass.
House: [thrusts into Wilson with reckless abandon and Wilson is surprisingly in little or no discomfort at having his ass penetrated by an erect penis]
Wilson: Oh god, you are pounding against my prostate and I am now going to come. [comes]
House: [follows with "Jimmy!" tumbling from his lips like an utterance of complete adoration, and then withdraws and flops beside Wilson] Well, thank god for that convenient tube of lube, Jimmy. I'm so glad I thought ahead towards the idea of having random anal sex with my best friend, even though I am straight.
Wilson: Greg, I just realised that I am deeply in love with you and I want to have your ass-babies.
House: Oh god, yes. I love you, too, and seeing we have this convenient tube of lube, let us commence making ass-babies now, even though you and I have both come. We shall defy the male response of not being able to become erect directly following orgasm by becoming erect upon me touching your cock and you sucking my nipples, and have ten rounds of hot mansex until my seed is planted deep within the confines of your mangina.
Wilson: God, I love you, Greg.
House: [slicking cock up for round 2] I love you, too, Jimmy.
[The End]
Edit: LOL,
livelove423 made a few icons quoting from this. xD Edit: Haha, and
cenori got in on the icon making, too:![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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