ticcyyy: (Default)
ticcyyy ([personal profile] ticcyyy) wrote2008-11-22 05:35 am
Entry tags:

Just For A Little While, My Darling (H/W, H/Cu, H/S, W/A; mild R)

title: Just For A Little While, My Darling
pairings: House/Wilson, House/Cuddy, House/Stacy, Wilson/Amber
words: 1,692
rating: Mild R
disclaimer: When the vulture flies sideways, the moon has hair on its upper lip.
notes: A quick fic I wrote because I can't sleep.

summary: Ten fantasies House has.

Just For A Little While, My Darling
by Ticcy

'Cause this is my house,
It belongs to me,
Inside my head.
It's all that's left.
- House
; Elton John


In his dreams, House is whole.

His leg works. No missing muscle, no scar, no limp, no pain. He walks with confidence, moving from place to place, scene to scene, situation to situation, without a second thought about putting one foot in front of the other. No cane, no pills, no self-loathing, no fear.

Sometimes, in his dreams, he runs. His feet pound hard on the ground, sweat pouring down his temples, his face, dripping down his chest and back, his muscles burning beautifully like fire, his breath piercing and coppery in his mouth and lungs. He runs for his life, runs and runs and runs, going nowhere in particular, not even caring where he'll end up because he's running. He's whole. He's strong and fit and he remembers, just for a little while, how good it feels to be alive. And when he stops, he's so out of breath he can barely breathe. It's the most freeing feeling in the world.

He's whole. He's complete. He's the way he used to be. The way he should be.

And then he wakes up.


Sometimes, House imagines his life with Stacy.

Not the way it used to be. The way it could have been. The way it might have been. The way it should have been.

He pictures scenarios in his mind, of Stacy walking through the front door like she used to, after a long day in the office. She comes up behind him while he watches TV on the couch. She leans over him and he feels her hands on his shoulders, slipping down past the collar of his shirt to his bare chest, her lips pressed to his hair in a tired smile, the faint scent of her perfume wafting down and greeting him. Hi, honey, she says, and her voice is as tired as she probably looks. I missed you today.

Hi, sweetheart, he says back to her, and he feels her fingers through his hair. He smiles to himself. He's missed her, too. He's missed her touch and her voice, he's missed her so much. He's glad she's home.

And then his smile fades. He still misses her, he realises. After all this time. After everything that's happened. A piece of him is still missing, the piece Stacy took with her when she left. When he drove her away. Twice. The very piece he's never going to get back.

He swallows back the lump in his throat and pushes Stacy from his mind.


He's a superhero.

Not Superman, although he has Superman's strength. Not Batman, although he has Batman's mystique. Not The Flash, although he's faster than The Flash could ever hope to be. And he's not Bond, although he's far sexier than Bond is.

He's House Man. Destroyer of stupidity, jazz piano player by night as his unsuspecting, Clark Kent-like alter ego. He can do amazing things, like outrun a speeding bullet and scale walls with his bare hands. He has villains of all sorts after him, and he manages to outsmart and outdo every single one of them. He's untouchable. Unstoppable. He's no longer Greg House, the guy with the cane, the doctor who saves lives, the guy nobody wants to know. He's the guy everybody wants to know, the guy everybody looks up to, the guy who makes a mark in the world the way nobody else can or will.

He's almost fifty and he still has the fantasies he had when he was a little boy.

It's such a cool world to escape to. At least, for a little while.


I'm proud of you, his dad says to him. You did the right thing. You've made me proud. I love you, son.


He fantasises about Cuddy, a lot.

Her breasts, her ass, her legs, her hair. The way her lips would feel on his neck, the way her hands would feel on his chest, the sound of her voice low and husky in his ear. Sometimes, she's a naughty schoolgirl, her mouth curved into a pout, her hands braced stubbornly on her hips, her skirt so short it leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination. Sometimes, she's a dominatrix. Nothing too hardcore. But he likes the thought of her in tight leather, breasts squeezed together in a corset while she looms over him and demands he do as she tells him.

But most of the time, she's just Cuddy. Tight skirt, push-up bra, high heels that show off the shape of her legs. Or just in a bra and panties while she kneels over him on all fours on his bed. She always has a wicked smile on her face, and she does the most obscene things to him with her hands and her mouth. He jerks off to the thought of her going down on him, or the thought of her riding him hard and fast, or the thought of her putting on a show for him that leaves him both speechless and brainless. Cuddy, Cuddy, god, Cuddy. Lisa.

He doesn't let his fantasies of her go any deeper than that. Because if he does, he ends up thinking and feeling things he can't put a name to. Things he doesn't want to put a name to. Things he's too scared to put a name to.

He sometimes wonders if Cuddy ever gets off thinking about him.


House has a To-Seek-Revenge-On list longer than his bum leg.

One day, each and every name will be crossed off that list. Somehow. Some way. Until those opportunities arise, he'll just bide his time, waiting and plotting their inevitable demise.

Which means he'll probably never get revenge on most of them. But fantasising about it makes it so worth it.


House doesn't hire prostitutes very often. But when he does, he forgets himself for a while. Pretends he's not who he is. Pretends he doesn't have the life he has. Pretends he's not as lonely as he feels. Just for a little while.

He buries his face in against the side of the hooker's neck and everything fades away. He pretends he's making love to someone who matters to him. Someone who loves him. Someone he belongs to.

Just for a little while.


Sometimes, only sometimes, he fantasises about Wilson.

Not like that. No, not like that.

Except... exactly like that. He sometimes imagines what his life would be like if Wilson was part of his life in that way. Maybe, maybe he'd be less lonely. At least he'd have someone. At least it would be someone he almost completely trusts. At least Wilson would keep his heart close and his secrets closer. Sometimes, often times, it feels like Wilson is the only person he has left.

But then House reminds himself that it's Wilson. He could never have a relationship with someone who knows him too well. There'd be nowhere left to hide, no secrets left untouched, no way to cover up the parts of him that House doesn't want Wilson to see. He's already exposed and naked to Wilson without even needing to be exposed. Or naked. That's just the way it is between them. That's the way it's always been.

That's why House never entertains these thoughts about Wilson for very long.


House thinks about death a lot.

It doesn't constantly plague his mind. But it's a thought that surfaces in his mind often enough. Particularly when he's in more pain than he can stand. Particularly when his entire world just feels like it's closing in on him. Particularly those times he feels like he's trapped underwater, drowning, no way out, no way to break to the top for a gasp of air. He feels that way often, and he never really knows why. He can never place a rational reason behind those emotions or those thoughts. And when it feels like he's hit rock bottom, he becomes so consumed in those dark thoughts that he's positive he'll never breathe again.

And that's when he thinks about death. The easy way out. The only way out. That final resting place where there's no pain, no melancholy, no suffering, no misery. That final resting place where nothing matters anymore.

But then, somehow, he breaks to the surface just enough to get a breath of air, just enough to make those thoughts of death ebb away. Not completely, but enough so that he doesn't feel like it's the only option he has left.

For now.


Wilson is the one who meets him at the bar, not Amber. Wilson. The way it was supposed to have been.

Wilson is the one who tugs House's arm around his shoulders and guides him out of the pub, staggering with House's drunken weight. Wilson unlocks his car, complaining about how much of an inconvenience House is and how much House owes him, and House slurs that Wilson loves it, that he wouldn't be here to rescue his ass if Wilson didn't like it. Wilson rolls his eyes as he starts the car. House gives him a lopsided, drunk grin.

Wilson drags him up the stairs to House's apartment and tips him into bed. Before he leaves, Wilson says something about how Amber's going to kill him, then adds that he hopes Amber will kill House instead. You deserve it, Wilson retorts tiredly. House just mumbles something into his pillow, too drunk to care, and the last thing he hears is Wilson telling him to sleep well, and then silence.

Wilson goes home to Amber.

There's no bus. No bus crash. Amber is still alive, Wilson is still sickeningly in love, House is still trying to gain joint custody of Wilson, everything is the way it should be.

And then House returns to reality.


[identity profile] phinnia.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 06:45 pm (UTC)(link)
These are so, so beautiful and just PERFECT. the one-liner as #4 is like a perfect jab to the heart - they're just - *flail!*

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 07:00 pm (UTC)(link)
#4 is my favourite one, too. It made me hurt the moment it popped into my head. Because now John is dead, there really is no hope at all that House would ever hear what he wanted to hear from his dad. (And even if John did say anything House secretly yearns to have heard, he'd probably shove it back in John's face anyway.)

Thanks, babe! *cuddles you*

(no subject)

[identity profile] aunt-zelda.livejournal.com - 2008-11-21 22:27 (UTC) - Expand
ext_25882: (House in Blue)

[identity profile] nightdog-barks.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 06:50 pm (UTC)(link)
These are so sad and so lovely. I especially liked #4 because it's so simple and yet such a punch to the heart.

You've got two small typos, here:

He fantasies about Cuddy, a lot.

And here, I think you're missing a word:

Before he leaves, Wilson says something about how Amber's going to kill him, though hopes Amber kills House instead.

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 06:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks, babe. ♥ The fourth one is my favourite, too.

And gah. Why is it that no matter how many times I read over something, I always miss something? Thanks for picking those things up! The second one doesn't have a word missing, but now you point it out I can see how and why it reads awkwardly. *rewords it*

[identity profile] katernater.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 07:18 pm (UTC)(link)
These are really quite good -- a perfect mix of melancholy, estrus, and longing.

Seven, for some reason, really struck a chord. Not that I hire prostitutes to fill the empty spaces or anything. I think it was 'He pretends he's making love to someone who matters to him. Someone who loves him. Someone he belongs to.' that broke me.

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 10:47 pm (UTC)(link)
For some reason, I am really fascinated with the concept of House going to prostitutes. While it's definitely mostly a base need he'd be sating by going to them, the idea of him turning to them for comfort really intrigues me. Especially in light of Distractions, when Paula came to his apartment.

Thanks so much for the feedback. I'm glad you enjoyed it! :-)

[identity profile] bukabe16.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 07:23 pm (UTC)(link)

I'm proud of you, his dad says to him. You did the right thing. You've made me proud. I love you, son.

heartbreaking </3, number 7 maybe even more so. Beautiful piece of work :)

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 10:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks so much :-)
zulu: Hugh Laurie as House, with text: seeker after truth (house - truth seeker)

[personal profile] zulu 2008-11-21 07:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Excellent choices for all of these. I like that it's a variety of things, about revenge and pride and love and sex and death and just everything that's not perfect but should be, even if only for a moment. And that House so often realizes that it's his own fault or his own cowardice that makes these thoughts unfulfillable. You really use the strength and the power of ficlets here.

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-28 10:36 am (UTC)(link)
He's such a tragic character, isn't he? His brokenness is both ugly and beautiful; ugly because of the things he brings upon himself, beautiful because of the things that have been out of his control.

Thanks so much! ♥

[identity profile] addicted2hugh.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 07:45 pm (UTC)(link)
i'm really touched. wow. so sad - and so very, very house. great job! ♥

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-28 10:36 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks so much! :-)

[identity profile] writemage.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 07:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Ouch, number 4... so good, so sad =(

I loved the Cuddy one, because it's probably true: as long as he stays far enough away. 10 killed me too.

All in all, very amazingly good.

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-28 10:37 am (UTC)(link)
I honestly can't see House in a relationship that would last, no matter how much he silently craves belonging with someone. I can see him craving that belonging with either Cuddy or Wilson, because they're the two people who know him unlike anybody else. But even then.

Thanks so much for reading :-)

[identity profile] doctors-girl.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 07:55 pm (UTC)(link)
OMG. This is amazing. Simply perfect and VERY IC. This is exactly the way I see House too, and I really love your writing style. Simple, but very spot-on and thoughtful and the whole thing is just beautiful. Lines like this:

He doesn't let his fantasies of her go any deeper than that. Because if he does, he ends up thinking and feeling things he can't put a name to. Things he doesn't want to put a name to. Things he's too scared to put a name to.

THANK YOU. Thank you for writing this, you captured it perfectly.

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-28 10:40 am (UTC)(link)
That is honestly how I see House/Cuddy happening on the show. I mean, I may be proven wrong yet, but for NOW that is how I see it: House is never going to let Cuddy in that close because of that very line you pointed out. And I love that fact. It just highlights how broken House is.

Thanks so much for reading and leaving feedback, babe!! ♥

[identity profile] a-proclivity.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 07:58 pm (UTC)(link)
God. This is just simply amazing.

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-28 10:40 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks so much :-)

[identity profile] travln1.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 08:13 pm (UTC)(link)

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-28 10:41 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks! :-)

[identity profile] crumpled-up.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 08:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Excellent choices to pick here. It's all perfect, a nice little escape and then everything crashes back to reality. Sucks. A lot. The fourth one is my favorite though. It hit me harder than the others because now that his father is dead... House will never even hear anything close to that anymore. I just have to say in the third one, with the superheroes, you name like all my favorite superheroes: Batman, The Flash and Bond! (not a Superman fan though -- too perfect) That totally made my inner geek, well, geek out hahahaha. And the last one was so sad, especially since I watched the rerun of House's Head this week. Oh God.

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-28 10:43 am (UTC)(link)
There are just so many facets about House that are so tragic. He's both an ugly and a beautiful tragedy. I just. Guh. I have never, ever loved a character as much as I love House. I love him. I love writing about him, I love delving into him, I just love him. Ahahahaha. I an in love with a fictional character. Wtf.

Thanks so much for reading, babe! ♥

[identity profile] dreamsofspike.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 08:27 pm (UTC)(link)
these were all amazing, hon, the fourth one was perfect... and the last one was perfect as well... just heartwrenching and emotional and wonderful... love them :) *hugs* excellent writing :)

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-27 04:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks so much! :-)

[identity profile] hannahrorlove.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 08:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Come on, who doesn't still fantasize about being a superhero when they're all grown-up?

Absolutely splendid work here. So balanced and executed, and starkly emotional.

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-27 04:37 pm (UTC)(link)

Thanks so much, babe ♥

[identity profile] blowersgate.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 08:37 pm (UTC)(link)

Gotta admit n°5 is my fave but the rest is also simply perfect. If perfection exists, you've reached it. :)

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-27 04:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow, thanks! ♥

[identity profile] blackmare-9.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 08:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, House. Oh, oh, oh.

These are so very, very painful, and just beautifully done.

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-27 04:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you :-)

[identity profile] tourmaline1973.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 08:50 pm (UTC)(link)
These are all so wonderful, little nuggets of exquisite sadness.

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-27 04:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks! Yeah, it made me feel sad to write. I didn't expect it to get so sombre, ahaha.

[identity profile] annalully.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 09:07 pm (UTC)(link)
There's a reason why you're one of my favorite writers in this fandom.

These are the reasons. Ten of them. There's no other way to say it, it's PERFECT!

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-27 04:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Aww, wow. Thanks so much, babe. I'm so glad you liked this. ♥

[identity profile] zamaza.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 09:07 pm (UTC)(link)
House dreaming of running! I'm sure he's had this dream! Feeling whole, ah, how sad.

And he's not Bond, although he's far sexier than Bond is. This is not a dream; we call this reality. He's House Man. Destroyer of stupidity! Best super hero idea ever.

House's thoughts on Wilson and being exposed are interesting. He definitely has a fear of being known, while he spends all his time digging up everyone else's dirty secrets.

Four is just brilliance.

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-27 04:34 pm (UTC)(link)
House really is an intensely private person. He's such a hypocrite, if not a conundrum, like that.

Thanks so much for reading :-)

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-27 04:33 pm (UTC)(link)

[identity profile] just-schtupp.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 09:23 pm (UTC)(link)
This looks so fantastic. I'm leaving soon but I will most definitely read this when I get home tonight.

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-27 04:32 pm (UTC)(link)

[identity profile] lauriestein.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 09:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Superbly superb and utterly wonderful ! I especially loved the Stacy one.

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-27 04:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah. That one made me sad, and made me miss Stacy :-(

[identity profile] whisperings.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 09:44 pm (UTC)(link)
These are wonderful, and very, very IC. I really enjoyed reading them, and I especially liked eight and ten. Four was a right jab to the heart; very spot on, and quite sad.

Wonderful job, love! ♥

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-27 04:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you very much! :-)

[identity profile] pwcorgigirl.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 09:50 pm (UTC)(link)
...the guy nobody wants to know. I think that's the line that broke my heart.

These are just amazing. This is House: lonely, suffering, stubborn, hopeful, afraid, and somehow always choosing to live despite the depths of his regrets.

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-27 04:31 pm (UTC)(link)
somehow always choosing to live despite the depths of his regrets

I often wonder if that's because he doesn't actually want to die in spite of himself, or if it's because he's punishing himself somehow. I guess it goes to either spectrum according to where he's at in his mind at the time.

Thanks for the lovely feedback :-)

[identity profile] aunt-zelda.livejournal.com 2008-11-21 10:26 pm (UTC)(link)
Some of those made me wanna cry REAL bad ... but they were all so flawlessly IC that it WORKED. *standing ovation*

Is it wrong that I now want a fic where House IS a superhero, and a jazz pianist by night, and he has three sidekicks (the Ducklings) and he rescues Wilson or something?
'Four' killed me DEAD. It's just ... OUCH. Perfect simplicity.
'Five' was ... uh ... *fans self* dear oh dear ... I really have a strange crush on Cuddy ...
'Six' was funny. I would not want to be on House's list ...
'Eight' made me wibble because House can't exactly find the words to explain his feelings for Wilson, which is just so ... NAAAAAAAAAW.
'Nine' really scared me. I think House DOES think like that sometimes ... *gulps*
I love how 'ten' was still kinda House/Wilson-kinda-sorta-maybe-PLEASE, but still within the bounds of canon.

[identity profile] lesaubergines.livejournal.com 2008-11-22 02:50 am (UTC)(link)
Everyone has a crush on Cuddy!

(no subject)

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com - 2008-11-27 16:30 (UTC) - Expand

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[identity profile] aunt-zelda.livejournal.com - 2008-11-29 03:20 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] ticcyyy.livejournal.com 2008-11-27 04:28 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks! :-)

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