100songs and fanfic100: The Da

[ticcyyy]

I've been feeling so uninspired lately. Any bit of writing is good, right? Even if it's just a fifteen-minute job? I seem to be on a dark!Wilson kick at the moment. I posted this twice before and then changed my mind, because I'm being all fickle about my writing.


Title: The Dark Side of Need
Pairing: James Wilson/Greg House
Rating: PG-13
Words: 890
Disclaimer: David Shore =/= meHouse, M.D.
Notes: Ehh, I signed up for these things, might as well actually contribute: for 100songs, using the prompt 'private emotion'; for fanfic100, using the prompt 'orange'.

+++

Wilson slid his hand underneath House’s head and lifted it from the pillow, angling the glass of orange juice towards his dry, chapped lips. He was standing by the bed, House lying on his back, doped up with morphine to try and kill the pain in his leg. Two months and counting since the infarction; the pain lingered like a ghost that couldn’t be exorcised.

“I don’t want a drink,” House said bitterly against the edge of the glass.

“You need a drink, I don’t care if you don’t want it,” Wilson murmured. He pressed the glass more insistently against House’s mouth.

House reacted by trying to turn his head away. “I don’t want a drink,” he said, louder, angrier. Wilson merely pressed his lips together and gripped the back of House’s head, forcing him to keep his head level. “I don’t want a fucking drink,” House repeated even louder still, the movement of his lips against the glass causing a few drops of the orange juice to slosh out and land on his chin and the sheets.

Wilson gave a look of frustration and gripped his head even harder, trying to force the juice against his mouth. He could feel himself starting to shake slightly, just take a sip, one god damned sip, Jesus Christ. One god damned fucking sip.

House wrestled against him, more orange juice spilling out. “Stop it,” House spat.

“No,” Wilson shot back, his tone suddenly as venomous as House’s was getting. He tried again, more juice sloshing out. God, the frustration of it all, the agonising frustration of it all. Seeing House like this all the time, seeing him suffer, House constantly rejecting his help. Rejecting his help like House was rejecting him.

“Stop it.” House gave a sharp jerk of his head as Wilson forced the glass harder against his lips, and the sudden movement caused most of the contents to pour forth. Wilson uttered a sound of anguish just as House abruptly snatched the glass and threw it from him.

Wilson watched the glass shatter against the wall opposite. It seemed to happen in slow motion, the glass tumbling through the air haphazardly and it was like watching House discarding his help, as though House was telling him he didn’t need him. Didn’t need him.

His fingers tightened against the back of House’s head when the sound of glass splintering pierced the air and Wilson felt something snap inside him. He was suddenly filled with an urge to hurt House, to hit him in frustration. He turned his eyes down to House and saw that House was looking back up at him with a look of pure hatred. Hatred for how much pain he was in, hatred for how incapacitated he was, hatred for himself. All’s it would take was one hard lob of his fist, one hard strike of his knuckles against House’s face. Punch that god damn hatred out of him, hurt him the way it hurt Wilson every single time House threw his help back in his face like he didn’t need him. God, he was so frustrated, so god damned frustrated. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take.

“I’m trying to help you,” Wilson said between gritted teeth.

“I don’t want your fucking help,” House hissed.

Wilson could feel his hand that had been holding the glass slowly balling into a fist. One strike was all it would take. One hard, painful strike. “If I don’t help you, who will?” He was surprised by how cool his voice was, given how much rage he could feel simmering beneath the surface.

House held his gaze evenly. “I don’t want anybody’s help. I don’t need you. Fuck off.”

Wilson peered down at him, the image of slamming his fist into House’s face flashing through his mind like snatches of light that was too bright to look at. Somehow, he loosened his hand from the back of House’s skull. Somehow he pulled back from him. Somehow. How he did without hitting him, he didn’t know.

“House--”

“Fuck off.”

He stared at House for a long, hard moment before he silently retreated from the room; his hand still balled into a fist and the shattered glass forgotten. The anger and frustration and worry simmered in him, simmered silently beneath the surface as he went about doing what needed doing as though nothing had happened, his anger showing only through the way he kept his jaw clenched.

It was still clenched and the anger was still simmering in him when he returned to the bedroom an hour later, dustpan and brush in his hand. He quietly cleared up the glass, plucking shards up from the carpet and just before he left the room, he heard House say in a weak, pain-filled voice, “Wilson… I need you.”

The anger instantly dissipated, like water flooding from a catchment. The anger suddenly didn’t matter; hearing House say that he needed him was what mattered. That was all that mattered.

After he’d discarded of the glass, he returned to the room and climbed onto the bed beside House. His hand was seized by House’s, which was sweaty and trembling slightly and when House drew Wilson’ arm around him like a security blanket, Wilson pressed his lips to House’s hair and whispered, “I know you need me.”

House squeezed his hand weakly in response.

Wilson smiled.

+++

Comments

[wanderingwidget.livejournal.com]

wah! sad and cute angst!fluff! :cuddles fic:

[albinolady.livejournal.com]

*points* im just going to agree with the wandering one. she summed it up ^_^;;

[its-maybe-baby.livejournal.com]

What a beautiful ending! I love angst that manages to end with a touch of hope.. Very nice :D

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

It's interesting how people have viewed this fic, because it's actually a dark!fic; no real hope in it at all. Interpretation is an interesting thing.

Thanks for reading. Glad you liked it!

[acidic-flower.livejournal.com]

BZUH.

So angsty! But so lovely!
♥ Another masterpeice.

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

Thank you, honey! ♥

[topaz-eyes.livejournal.com]

I saw this the first time then saw you pulled it down, so am glad it's back. :-)

Ouch. Man, Wilson is scary in his need to be needed in this story. That was sort of frightening to see him almost forcing himself on House, and then to see the depth of his imagined rejection. Wow. Nice.

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm all wibbly about my writing atm. Feh.

It's interesting how people have viewed this fic. Some people have seen it as nothing but fluffy at the end, others have seen the darkness in it. You are very right -- Wilson is very scary in his need in this. Him picking the glass up before tending to House was meant to be demonstration of that: the need was all about Wilson's need. If it had been about House's need at all, he would've ignored the glass altogether and gone straight to him.

Thanks! Glad you liked it. :)

[mystictwilight.livejournal.com]

Oh, I love flangst and comfort fluff. This was a beautiful read. Thanks :-)

[montycrowley.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, but flangst = best. word. ever.

[starry100.livejournal.com]

Wow. Amazing. I love the angst.

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

[daasgrrl.livejournal.com]

I must be on a different wavelength from other people - I thought that was terribly dark - Wilson's smile at the end gave me the creeps, particularly since you carefully don't mentione what kind of a smile it was. I was reminded of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? for a second there. Very interesting.

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

That was more along the lines I was on when I wrote this. I purposefully left the smile undetailed because I wanted people to make their own mind up about what the smile actually was. But you are spot on -- this was meant to show a dark side of Wilson; I didn't write this with the intention of it being a fluffy ending. I wondered if anyone would find his smile eerie at the end.

I wondered if anyone would pick up on any of the stuff that you mentioned. So yay. ♥

I wasn't thinking of Baby Jane when I wrote it. But now that you mention it, I can appreciate why this made you think of that film.

[montycrowley.livejournal.com]

I found this story rather eerie for both characters, yet strikingly believable. House and Wilson are destructive love. Sometimes it's going to be ... well, weird.

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

It was meant to be eerie. It was basically a scope into Wilson's pathological neediness and how destructive it really is, for both of them.

Thanks for reading. :)

[onewayfreak.livejournal.com]

God, this was perfect. Very unsettling, Wilson's disturbing sense of rejection and his almost violent desire to be needed. The ending was so heavy. It's almost like... When I was reading it, I was half wishing I could have a more superficial view of the characters, so I could believe it was a happy ending, but it wasn't.

Yeah. This fic actually gave me coldshivers. I needed something like this tonight. Thank you.

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

It could be taken as a happy ending if you choose to just look at the surface of it. But it's not, really; Wilson's pathological neediness is very damaging.

Cold shivers is good -- means I got the coldness of this piece across.

Thanks for reading. :)

[aquadragon1984.livejournal.com]

I think you just gave me nightmares. Very powerful, very disturbing fic. Awesome writing. *mems*

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Disturbing was what I was aiming for.

[stephantom.livejournal.com]

Fwoo. Really liked this. Dark, and angry and exactly how I see their relationship. Part of it anyway. There are lighter elements to them; they like to just hang out and joke together and stuff, but there is a strong undercurrent of this. Wilson trying to force the juice down the throat and House outright refusing it - perfectly illustrates how Wilson is always trying to tell House things about himself, criticizing him, pointing out what he needs, and House just ignores it; and sometimes it goes so far that House seems cornered, as he does against the couch, like when he punched him in "No Reason" or his desperate "Don't do this," in "Need to Know." But then, in the end, House really does need Wilson, and Wilson's always still there, like the end of "House vs. God."

...In conclusion, brilliant fic.

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

Oh, of course there are lighter elements to them. But the fundamental reason why Wilson's hung around for so long is actually rather disturbing. He's hung around because it feeds his need. He's a very selfish man, but he disguises it well with his genial manner. I tried to show this in the way he placed cleanign up the glass before tending to House's need, because had it been about House's need, he'd have ignored the glass altogether and gone straight to him when House said he needed him.

Thanks. Glad you liked it. :)

[livelove423.livejournal.com]

Aww, I liked it. I saw it as more positive than dark. Just angsty like any good fic is. lol.

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

It's actually a dark fic, but it's interesting to see how people interpreted it.

Thanks. Glad you liked it. :)

[mikhyel.livejournal.com]

That's... really fucking creepy. Like, turn on all the lights creepy. How ALL that matters is that Wilson is needed. Eep. I mean, your Wilson in this fic manages to make even HOUSE seem normal by comparison.

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

Wilson, in some ways, is more screwed up than House is. I think there was a lot of truth in that statement when House called that out to the poker buddies in 'House vs. God'. And, interestingly enough, Wilson made no effort to correct him or rebuke him. Meaning Wilson knows to some degree just how pathological he is.

Motives aren't always what they seem. There's no such thing as true altruism. It's an illusion, and Wilson's a prime example of how much of an illusion it really is.

Thanks for reading. :)

[evila-elf.livejournal.com]

Ouch!
I didn't see the ending as dark at all, but I am a hopeless fluffer, I will see fluff in anything.
Though, reading back over it a second time, it does seem creepy *shivers*

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

It is creepy. Wilson is one screwed up man.

Thanks. Glad you liked it. :)

[quietcreativity.livejournal.com]

::sniff:: Wilsonnnnnnnn.

OMG Wilson. Wow. Mikyel person, with the Wilson in this fic making House seem normalish, like...kinda true. Wilson is so...he seems so "I'm totally with it, go me" but really...especially the way you take it a step further. You make him a real person, every time I stop to read your Wilson-involved fics. ^_^;;

Beautifully written. I liked it ^_^

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

Wilson is very, very screwed up. Pathologically so. He knows it, too. Well, to a degree, at least.

Thanks. *hugs*

[teh-gandu.livejournal.com]

Angsty and the perfect ending /grins/ you rock.

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

[extrabitter.livejournal.com]

I agree with daasgirl, very dark Wilson getting off on the needy, in a good, frightening way. I'm thrilled to see somebody working with the developments we saw (or got confirmation on) in the second half of the season. You really captured Wilson as the "functional vampire."

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

I was really nervous about posting this, because I a) wrote it in twenty minutes, b) didn't get it beta'd (but I'm lazy like that -- I hardly ever get anything beta'd), and c) was expecting people to flame me or something for it. People don't like their idealistic view of Wilson shattered.

But, then again, we were given confirmation of how screwed up he is in House vs. God. I tried to demonstrate how much the need was all about Wilson by the way he tended to cleaning the glass up before tending to House, even after House had told him he needed him. Had it been all about House, he'd have left the glass ignored and gone straight to him.

Thanks. Glad you liked it. Tinkering with the darker, more pathological side of Wilson is very interesting.

[karaokegal.livejournal.com]

OMG! We need more Dark!Wilson. You did this brilliantly. I actually wondered if Wilson was going to hit him.

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

I pondered the idea of Wilson hitting him, but somehow it didn't seem right. Wilson's not a physical damager; he's an emotional and psychological one.

Thanks. Glad you liked it. :)

[finding-jay.livejournal.com]

I'd've liked to see him hit him. Because... that'd just be off.

[he-dreams-awake.livejournal.com]

I was kind of hoping... THAT would've been darkly beautifully fucked UP.

[genagirl.livejournal.com]

Wow! That was intense - and I really liked it. I think needy!Wilson and saint!Wilson are so tightly intwined that it's like picking threads apart and sometimes you get them all tangled but it's still makes one big strand. That doesn't really sound like it makes sense but it's the way I see him.

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

The saintly side is proof of how well he is at hiding himself. Not to say that I think he's evil -- no way do I think that. But he's a very selfish man. I think he really struggles with his selfishness and his want to actually be accepted and loved. There's no way to actually sum Wilson up without picking him apart.

Thanks for reading!

[pwcorgigirl.livejournal.com]

This was recc'd at housefic_meta and deservedly so. What got me is that Wilson threw the broken glass away before going back to House. Had it been about House's need, he could have stopped and tended to him immediately. But it wasn't about House, and he didn't. That deliberate bit of coldness, coupled with "I know you need me," dropped the temperature in the room by about 15 degrees when I read it.

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

You're the very first person to pick up on that, or mention it, at least -- about the glass. Thank you so much for seeing this. That was the key point in showing Wilson's selfishness was supposed to demonstrate the darkness of this fic. I didn't want it to be glaring, though -- I wanted his selfishness to be shown in his actions, rather that exposition, if that makes sense.

Fic: The Dark Side of Need

[rosewillread.livejournal.com]

At first I thought the ending was on the way to being sort of sweet. But that's probably because I'm tired.

hearing House say that he needed him was what mattered. That was all that mattered.
This is what creeps me out now. Because if Wilson needs to hear House say it, he's going to be forever letting House suffer so much that he has to say it. Until House works it out, and then until Wilson knows he has and then they've lost each other.

Wilson pressed his lips to House’s hair and whispered, “I know you need me.”
That doesn't seem right to them. It makes perfect sense. And it's very much within this characterisation, which is more than possible. it's just so not nice to see this dynamic between them.

Excellent, evocative.

Re: Fic: The Dark Side of Need

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

It's not nice, no. And it has nothing to do with the fact that Wilson doesn't care about House -- he cares a lot about him. Loves him, even. But on the other hand, I wonder how much he confuses this pathological need to be needed for love. Perhaps that is why he sleeps around so much -- I wonder how many times he's actually said to someone that he loves them, when really what he means is "I need you to need me."

Thanks! Glad you liked it. :)

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Have been trying to come up with a better response than "Wow, Wilson is so fucked up," but that about covers it. You've managed in this relatively short fic to touch on Wilson beginning to "pick up the pieces," House's unwillingness to admit vulnerability, the dysfunction at the core of their friendship (which I think is as critical as Wilson's ability to put up with just about everything House throws at him), and that supremely creepy aspect of Wilson's "vampiric" personality that we learned about in "House vs. God." God, it's complicated. His anger dissipating, Wilson is pitiful, his self-worth hinging on House -- and then a few seconds later he's horrifying, glorying in his friend's dependence on him.

The anger and frustration of House refusing the juice had me tensed up in my chair. I didn't even realize it until the end when I had to consciously relax. Whew.

[ticcyyy.livejournal.com]

You summed it up perfectly. I really couldn't have it put it better myself.

And I aimed to demonstrate all that you've said above in the seemingly simple act of Wilson cleaning up the glass. Had it been about House's need, Wilson would've ignored the glass altogether and gone straight to him. But no -- he cleaned up the glass first, and then went to House. And then capped it off by saying that he knows House needs him. He's a highly pathologically selfish man. And he struggles with it, big time.

Thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it!

[ms-erupt.livejournal.com]

Uh...huh. That was slighty creepy. Good job.

[madcircleskills.livejournal.com]

awww! *cute overload*